I'm going to be very transparent today which is extremely difficult for me, but God has put it on my heart so maybe someone else needs to hear it. The most difficult part of being a Christian for me has been to let go of EVERYTHING and let God have control. I am a control freak. I have always been strong... physically, mentally & emotionally. When my body started breaking down and I was becoming weaker and weaker, I was embarrassed and disgusted with myself for allowing that to happen. I am now getting physically stronger everyday. It's slow, but I'm getting there. It's funny how it takes so little time for our body to fall apart when we don't take care of it, but it takes an enormous amount of time and dedication to get it strong and healthy again.
My mother was very weak... physically, emotionally, she was just never a strong person. Both of my grandmothers were incredibly strong ladies and very Godly women. My grandmothers were my heroes. I loved learning from them. I would listen intently to everything they said and try to soak it all in. I always wanted to be strong like them. I promised myself at a very young age that I would never be weak, never depend on someone else to take care of me and always take care of myself. Being independent is a good character trait. Right? But, I also kept God at a distance. I didn't want God or anyone else to think I was needy. So, I would pray everyday, but for YEARS I would never ask for anything for myself. I could take care of myself, there were weaker people that needed God more than I did. He has a way of getting our attention. When my husband's kidneys failed in February 2010 and our lives changed forever, our church family came to our rescue. I love helping others, but I have a very hard time allowing others to help me. I had to learn to put my pride aside and allow others to help us. It was so difficult for me to admit that I needed help. We are so blessed to have some dear friends that saw through my facade and basically just stepped in and started helping. I was broken and finally let go and let God send the cavalry in to my rescue.
From The Fasting Edge "Brokenness is so precious in the eyes of the Lord. Brokenness makes room for Him to release His strength through our weakness in order to accomplish His plans. That is a crucial difference that we need to understand. Most of us struggle with the concept that is is our own strength that draws God's attention, when our strength is the very last thing God notices.
The brokenness that comes through fasting starts with throwing everything we identify as our strength down at the feet of Jesus to say, "Lord, I know I am limited. I'm coming to You in brokenness, not in my strength, but in my weakness. i acknowledge that You can do more through me, broken, than I can ever attempt to do on my own." That is the type of fasting that connects with God."
2 Corinthians 12:29 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
I'm praying for and I hope that you are also praying for me. Have a blessed day!
Lori
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